Love, it is what binds everything together in perfect harmony.
But that’s not how Gen Z sees it, with dozens of options at their fingertips, and having personal growth as their first priority, the concept of modern dating has evolved. Gen Z has changed it.
We have moved past the era when that one eye contact was all it took to fall in love when brushing of knuckles made humans smile, and when pulling a chair meant giving commitment for a lifetime.
Modern dating has evolved into something delicate and often complicated. It is a slow dance. If you can hold your foot on the floor for a longer time with the same grace and rhythm as your partner, you might make it.
Gen Z looks at everything with a pragmatic lens be it career, sex, dating or love. Yes, love and dating are two different terms for them. Instead of thinking of lifetime commitment, they believe in “going with the flow” no matter where the flow takes them. Gen Z believes in doing what “feels right”.
This does not mean that they are not emotional, they are. Gen Z is overly cautious, almost too careful. They’re always worried things won’t work out. It’s like they’re trying to avoid any real commitment. They’ll say anything to keep things casual.
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You’ll be shocked to learn the number of terms they would rather use instead of just calling it a relationship.
Let’s begin, shall we?
1. Situationship
This is a grey area where you are romantically (emotionally) involved with one another without a label. They like each other, just enough. They care about each other, just enough. Situationship means, more than friends, less than lovers.
2. Breadcrumbing
Here, they give you just enough attention to keep you interested but ultimately have no intention of committing to a serious relationship. This is toxic, you run better than count crumbs at their altar.
3. Benching
This occurs when someone keeps another person as a backup. They talk enough to be interested but not enough to move forward.
4. Ghosting
This means cutting off all the ties without any explanation or warning. This is brutal and often unexpected. Gen Z didn’t come up with this, It was passed down from millennials.
5. Orbiting
Here, they sever all the ties in real life, but hey, they’re BFFs on social media. They keep track of each other’s lives through apps but do not communicate at all.
6. Love bombing
It’s overwhelming someone with excessive flattery or gifts for the purpose of manipulation. Run faster this time.
7. Gaslighting
“I am sorry you felt that way.” You felt that way? Excuse me? You made me feel that.
Gaslighting refers to when they make you question your own worth without them. This often makes people feel like they need someone else’s validation for anything and everything.
8. Fleabagging
As alien as it sounds, almost everyone has done it.
This involves dating and then breaking up, then making up with the same person over and over again. Call it “bad taste in men” or even blame her aadah for that matter. Doesn’t change the fact. Does it?!
9. Dtr
This is an acronym for ‘define the relationship,’ it’s when the initial phase of holding hands and cute little things pass, and comes the times people despise. “What are we?”, “Are we exclusive?”, “Are we dating?”
10. Fwb
An acronym for friends with benefits. This is almost a relationship. They’re just too cynical to put a tag on it. Here they are involved emotionally, physically, and platonically. Romantically? Not according to them at least, they are not.
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So yes, the rumours are true. Gen Z is weird. They are always on their phones, can’t make up their minds, and are super self-absorbed.
That being said, No one’s had it as tough as Gen Z. They’ve faced challenges no other generation has seen before.
Gen Z is the first generation to have internet connectivity from birth. They are basically raised by the Internet. By the time they grew up they had a connection to the whole world, realise how many people that is?!
There is this theory in psychology which basically says that more is not necessarily merrier, In fact, “the more available options you present to a person the less likely they are to pick any one of those options” and even though this study was done with food samples I’ll be bold enough to say it does cross in terms of humans and their dating lives too.
This is exactly what’s happening to modern dating, with the number of dating apps that are coming in, dating should have been easier but that’s not true. Even though these apps take a larger portion of how people find their partner, the seriousness, commitment and longevity of the relationship is a challenge.
It’s exactly like Netflix, with so many options to browse you jump from one show to another without finishing the first.
According to a 2023 Statista survey, daters in the U.S. between the ages of 30 and 49, who are mostly millennials, make up 61% of dating app users, whereas Gen Z comes in at only 26%.
There is good news for guys though, as when you get just a bit older your options really open up and dating becomes incredibly easy. Basically, women have the choice and power of selectivity in their 20s. But, once you hit your 40s there’s definitely a power shift that occurs in favour of men.
Social media is changing the way we date. It’s like judging a book by its cover, not just the cover but also the title of the subhead. We’re so quick to judge, “too tall,” “too thin,” “too nerdy,” “eww cringe.” This makes the dating scene pickier and pickier. We’re all afraid of looking cringe or being a turn-off, so we put on this fake persona. And with so many options online, it’s easy to ghost, thinking there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
It’s safe to say that the idea of “love at first sight” has died. We’re currently trapped in this strange system where people are really finicky about everything, even the littlest things. Because people are making all this effort for someone who isn’t really trying, it seems like we’re always browsing through profiles in search of the ideal match rather than acting, genuinely establishing a relationship. This causes a great deal of worry and annoyance, after which loneliness sets in. While lonely women begin to put up with abuse, lonely guys become needy and clingy. We’re all caught up in this vicious loop of rejection and swiping, which is making us all resentful and miserable. Everyone asks, “Where are all the good people?” but refuses to be a good person themselves.
The “spark” kind of dating is dead and replaced by a system of filters that says even “soft no’s” are “hard no’s.”
Everyone’s on Instagram, trying to be their perfect selves. But is that really who they are? It’s no surprise that some relationships start and end because of the algorithm.
This has a domino effect on our mental health too. All these facade makes people pessimistic towards life. People have trust issues, social anxiety, commitment phobia, and anxious attachment issues.
And let’s not even talk about fear of rejection.
No generation has gone through the same challenges that Gen Z has faced. And no previous generation has experienced dating like the one that exists today.
So, say what you will about Gen Z — that they’re anxious, afraid of commitment, glued to their phones — but they’re remarkably self-aware.
Gen Z love themselves. They’re focused on their careers, hobbies, and personal growth, so much so that relationships take a backseat. They believe that loving yourself first is key to a healthy relationship.
Gen Z is focused on getting their finances in order before settling down. They’re not rushing into marriage. So when they do think about commitment, they want to make sure it’s the right move for their mind, heart and wallet.
This generation is also really good at expressing their feelings and being emotionally open. They want their partners to be just as emotionally mature and understanding.
Because life is just hard. It is. It always has been, and it probably always will be. The hardships may be different. The struggles will vary. The coping mechanisms change. But at the end of the day growing up, living, and trying to find happiness, for most people, is hard.
So, even though the future of love and dating seems a bit uncertain, it’s hard to imagine a world where people don’t fall in love. It’s just something we do, whether we want to or not.
Authored by Priyanshi Kharwade, a 3rd-year B.Voc. Media and Communication student at Fergusson.
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